Now the reason why I named this blog 500 Days of Amanda is because this blog is going to consist of what has been happening between her and I.
First I'd like to begin with the dream I had last night. Because Im most likely going to forget it in the future, but this is a dream I want to hold close to me, as I was holding her close to me in my dream. So pretty much I have no recollection on how the dream began. But the parts that I can recall, are ones that I believe matter the most.
Me and Amanda were slowly walking up and down the halls of Hokona. We did this for awhile, no saying a word... Then suddenly, I took her hand, and she looked me in the eyes... But this gaze she gave me was no normal gaze, it was this brooding gaze, a gaze that was searching within me. It was unlocking my past, my secrets, and more importantly my soul. She was looking right at it. I was in complete shock. I couldnt move. We were just staring at each other. Soon, she grasps my hand, and smiles. I smile back, and we keep walking.
Later on in my dream we find each other in my room. We had just finished redecorating it, and there was no one in there. I had a poem that I had written for her. It was the Phoenix poem that I had written in my previous blog about her. And so I read it. And then she kissed me, but unlike all my other experiences with kissing this one lasted, and it kept going. But this time I felt no need to hold back. At this point I knew that I really liked her, and wanted her.
The rest of the dream is a real blur, but I woke up with this yearning for her to be with me. But obviously, that didnt happen. Instead I got a very long message written for me to give me insight into her personal world, how she views herself, about how she knows guys are sexually attracted to her, but she wants more than that, she wants to experience a real relationship, and this has been what I have been searching for forever, and when I had first met Amanda I had this feeling deep down inside. This feeling of hope, of potential? Haha, no, but really I felt honored to have received a message like this from her, but at the same time. That yearning for her only grew. I almost couldnt stand it, I felt like I was about to fall over. So I called Ethen, and told him about everything, because I really didnt know what to do.
He told me to do what I wanted. And so I called her. She didnt answer, but I felt ready. I was ready to tell her everything, how I feel about her, what I envision everyday, and how attracted I am to her character and personality, and how much I want her in my life as more than just a friend. This whole adventure, has been one of the most interesting, and I really hope, in fact, I pray, that things work out, and if they dont, then so be it.
Well that was my night/morning.
She stayed with me in LA. I showed her around, and we had the best time together. I didnt want her to leave. But she had too. And within those 3 days, I was telling my friends how much I liked her and how much I wanted her, as in, have a relationship with her. All they kept telling me was that this was the perfect opportunity to really take advantage. But I couldnt, because what they were telling me to do, was to express a physical connection. To visit her in her room and try to "get" with her. But I couldnt, I was enjoying my time too much with her to want to make things weird or awkward, plus I really didnt know how to do any of those things as much as it would have been fantastic to have those experiences with her.
Theres really not much more that I can say, but I will conclude with. I really like her, as more than just a friend. And I want to pursue that, because I really have this feeling it will go somewhere. Especially since she thinks that every guy is attracted to her sexually and dont think that shes pretty for who she is...
Well Amanda... Im here to say... That I think you are the most wonderful and beautiful girl I have met... And I use these words wisely... Because you have shown me so much wisdom and so much spirit that I find myself very attracted to you.
There you go... Thats my blog... Thats how I feel about you, and I hope that you are reading this, which means that I gained the confidence and courage to actually show you this.
Have a Good One.
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