Yea, Im human, Im guessing we can all agree on that, and yea, you, the reader, probably does experience the harshness of life to a degree that surpasses mine in so many manners, so think of this as a reminder when I say, life really is shitty.
Where should I begin?
How about with Aggie? The last week where she and I couldve had the one miraculous night, never happened. I mean, this isnt something I should be that upset about right? Yea, you are right, except she gave me false hope, and thats one thing, as you all know, I cant and wont stand for. She told me every night that she'd hit me up, but she never did, instead on our last night together we shared a cigarette as I asked her if that last night would happen. She told me no, and that shes so caught up in graduation.
Let me ask you this Aggie, Im not angry at your actions or decision, but how about upset that you would'nt take the offer to just get away for a moment, and allow me, yourself, and that night, to represent the beauty that could've been.
Perhaps thats everyones flaw, no one can really handle self-control, the disciplining of ones mind to enjoy the pleasantries of life and not allow for ones emotion to interfere with decisions. But then again, emotion is almost a way of ethics and morals, allowing one to feel sorrow at a funeral, or to spare their loved ones life when they've transformed into a zombie (which I think is immoral, but thats a separate argument for another time).
I even wrote her two poems about my romantic feelings towards her, and nothing.
I know why she chose not to anything. She liked me a lot, and she didnt want to lose herself in a guy that would give her false hope in the end. We cant be hypocritical here. It really sucks that we both couldnt put those emotions aside for one last night, because I know we wouldve had so much fun together for last one time...
Alright, so lets see, even more fucked up shit going on in my life...
I owe this guy I rear ended $2,851.00 for a dented bumper and some plate thing behind the bumper that supposedly needs to be replaced. Go ahead and call me outlandish, or illogical, but I think that is way overpriced. I barely even hit this guy. It was ridiculous. He knows it and I think hes just trying to make the most of it... Or maybe not, I'll never know, but assumptions help me feel better about it, and sometimes giving yourself little white lies throughout the day allow you to get through it just a little bit faster.
Anyways, the whole reason behind me driving then was cause I was heading out to Brittneys place to chill with her at some campgrounds where I was going to be meeting several of her friends and maybe go swimming. The whole day was chill, we walked around the camp and talked, I met her friend Casey, plus I got to relax in a hot tub. She thinks I was bored and didnt have a good time cause I wasnt talking much, but honestly, its hard to fit in with her friends. They really arent like me, I want to talk to them and converse, but I just dont know what to talk about.
Now this is weird for me because I have the personality of lion, Im a fucking Leo, but I guess people really arent the same in their own individual way, but I was still able to keep my cool at least and just chill out.
At the end of the day she drove me back to my car which was parked at her house as I was telling her how much she meant to me, not in a romantic way, or a sensual way, but rather, that all in all life really sucks and that its nice to have something or someone to indulge yourself into whilst youre feeling the pressure of life. On that day I discovered why Brittney meant so much to me, because she helps me forget about the unfortunate shit that keeps happening to me... I love her for it
She crossed my mind tonight after I dropped off Nikzad and David, I couldnt stop thinkin about how much I missed her while I was away, and how great she and I were when we were first getting to know each other, and now we have this friendship that prods at my emotions telling me to do something more with her and yet I cant will myself to do it... Why? I dont know why... But I want to find out and try something out with her because I think its the only way I'll ever know for sure.
Hmm, anything else?
Oh! Doesnt really pertain to the shittyness of life.. But Katherine now has a boyfriend. I cant say Im jealous... Cause Im not...
I guess thats it, lifes been pretty relaxing/dull, but I think thats what summer is about for me. Just taking a fucking break...
Have a Good One and Don't Back Down
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