Live Hard

So here I am, sitting in my chair, feeling like a different man than I was before. When first got here, all I could think about was the experiences I would have in college. I was so ambitious, so ready for anything. I wanted it all, and I thought I could have it all. Now I feel like I cant even comprehend who I was before, I have so many emotions and feelings mixed up that I almost dont know what to do with myself anymore.

Trying to get over Lisa is one thing.. She broke up with me, and its no biggie.. It sucks, and I didn't like that it happened so soon, I knew we could work stuff out, I really did. I'm not going to point any fingers and put blame on anyone else but myself. I'm not saying that I'm always at fault, but obviously a characteristic of mine didn't mesh with hers. I understand that, its all about compatibility.

I'm trying to keep my cool now, so far so good. I've already met another girl, her name is Becca, and she's really cool. She got pretty trashed tonight, but its all good, I thought she was brave and managed herself. She listens to me, and I kinda like her. I wonder where things will go in the future, but I'm not pushing anything.

Other than that, my classwork is piling up, I have a job that requires a lot of hours, and I have almost no free time. It sucks cause I thought I was going to have a Fall Break, where I was gonna take Lisa to LA, but she ended up not wanting to go, so I took Jazz. As soon as I got there, my mom called me and told me my grandma died. I loved my grandma.. She was a wonderful influence in my life, and I almost feel like I've been letting her down.

I'm spiraling out of control, things have really taken a turn for the worst. I really didn't mean for this to happen, its just so hard to keep everything under control and keep your cool at the same time. What I'm trying to say is.. Its really hard not to lose your cool in this kind of world.. Shit happens all the time, and accepting that concept requires one to be cool.. I just hate it when shit doesn't work out in the end, because I really try hard to get where I'm at and then, I fall behind.. I need someone to keep me going, and keep me on top of my shit. Lisa helped me with that, and now she's made it a little bit worst.

I've decided to live on, life has its ups and downs, and I can get through anything. I just have to have a strong heart and a smart mind. I miss Lisa.

Have a Good One