Confusion

Confusion

And so the confusion sets in

As the illusion grows thin

I infuse within

To defuse my sins

But are my morals right?

Who am I to try and fight?

I have no excuse

I try to find the light

And only receive abuse

And so I become the recluse

Stuck in my head

I cant push further ahead

My feet like lead

With nowhere to go

I stand in the snow

Thinking who would want to sew

The tears and afflictions that I know

Whoever it may be

Show your face to me

And I will admire thy courage

And I will admire thy nobility

And so with fear and awe I stare into the white blank snow

Only trying to keep up with life's chaotic flow

I wrote this poem for one reason and one reason only. I'm confused. Everything that has been happening at this moment in my life, has just sent my head spinning in circles. I dont know whats right, or whats wrong anymore. I feel like I should just set up my own set of morals, but judgement is our reputation in this world. We are judged based upon our actions, and behaviours. What if my behaviours and actions are judged in the eyes of others as wrong? I mean Im a pretty DGAF (Dont Give A Fuck) kinda person. I really dont care what other people think of me. Its just when Im trying to impress someone, or perhaps Im trying to get to know someone better from my own self-intent.

Maybe Im just too much of a push-over. But push-over in the sense that I adapt. So I try to implement so many morals from others into my life. Trying to impress others and keep up a reputation with them as a good person.

I feel like I just shouldnt care anymore. Let people deal with me. Like me for me. Create my own justifications and moralities to use within this chaotic world that we live in to this day.

And then I begin to think. If only I had someone to share life with. Someone I could share personal feelings, opinions, ideas, thoughts, and justifications about my life and about the life that we would be sharing together.

Theres only been one girl in my life thats fulfilled that role. Shes the only girl I've ever said I love you to, and shes the one girl I know will always have an important role in my life. She knows her name, and shes most likely reading it now.

Anyways, I know that life is about the person perceiving it. Life is absurd. I know that to be true as well. Theres no such thing as fate. Only a perspective. And so life becomes chaotic with every waking moment as we try to decipher what we believe to be our problems, our mistakes, and our folly's.

Have a Good One.