Without an Ending

Ok, I'm writing this post on account that I had a VERY weird dream last night. But before I go into details about my dream perhaps I should tell ya'll what I did that night:

I hung out with Matt, at the Northridge Mall. First we found a nice spot to open our minds, from the society that keeps us this so called planet. At first we had asked Jasmine if she wanted to hang out with us. She, as I had expected, said no. So, we went to the mall, ate dinner there, saw Daniel fight Max in some boxing match, saw a movie, then dropped Matt off at his car, as I drove home all alone. I got home, played my video game, watched some SNL, then crashed.

So my dream wont be as detailed as one might expect it to be, but I'll do my best to describe what happened:

It started out with me in some house, looked a little like Jasmines house with a mixture of this kid Matt's house, which I knew from like baseball in like 5th grade. I walked around, and saw that they had a housekeeper. I didn't really take into account that she was around, just someone there in this house. So, I hung out with Jasmine in her room, talking and stuff. Then I got up to go use the restroom. Where I found this housekeeper getting undressed. For some reason I became sexually attracted, and I walked into the bathroom, and watched her take a shower. I took a peak outside the bathroom after about 5 minutes to check on Jasmine, which I found with some other guy talking on her bed. So I decided, you know what, its time to take chances in life. I jumped into the shower, and made out with the housekeeper, which I sooned figured out her name was Larissa. We had sex. Weird eh? Well in my dream, I couldnt get over her. I felt attached the whole dream. But anyways, the dream continues, as I find myself in Jasmines house once again. Except this time, we're going camping. We were at this weird spot, where we were all taller than the trees around us. I had to use the restroom again. So I found a portapotty, jumped in, and tried to take a piss. When I realized the ground was shaking. I jumped out, to realize that the portapotty was running downhill. I then ran up this ridiculously large mountain. To find my tent that I was sharing with Jasmine, I fell asleep, woke up, fucked someone, then went to sleep again. Soon I found myself waking up on Jasmines floor in her house. She was shaking me, telling me to get up, cause there was a hurricane. Then Matt asked her to give him a blowjob, she did it, she then offered  me one, but I turned her down. We then got our jackets, and umbrellas, I hugged her for warmth as we crowded under her umbrella. We went outside to pick up her sister who was at some storm drain, we then had a nice picnic with this girl Cleo that I know. I played on Cleos cellphone then we went back inside to fight zombies...for some reason...

I woke up, had the best day of my life, and now I'm here. Feelin great and ontop of the world. I am aware of the fact that I had an awesome night with Alan, and that no one can bring this down. Its me, thats me, my life, and its awesome... For now.

Hard Freedom

What can I say? I dont even know what to write. I'm just writing for the sake of writing. Thats the best kind of writing there is right? Hell if I would know. Moralities mean nothing to me. Its not that I'm not a moral person. I just find myself questioniong what the meaning of being a moral person is? I mean really, theres a set standard in society as to what a moral person is, but that doesn't share any similarities to what a moral gangster would be, or what a moral nazi would be. Moralities have been thrown around manipulated, and used as devices to cause the masses to swear their oath under one belief. I can't say that this is wrong or right...I can't say that anything is.

So enough about this, I actually got back in touch with Jasmine today. Old friend of mine. I tried to "get" with her awhile back. Wow, and I just remembered she might read this. Well, I never delete what I've already written unless it was a grammatical/spelling error. It was pretty fun though, we talked about metaphysics, our lives, just catching up on things. A great refresher. I felt friendly again :). We had a wonderious conversation. I can't wait to hang out with her again. It should be fun.

Talked to Reva today, not much to say, I kinda noticed a lil change about her, she seemed a little bit more hyper than ussual, but its alright, cause I love it when shes hyper! It gets me all excited to. I've already explained the rest, and I can't really say much without repeating myself here. But, I think im going to go ahead, and repeat myself one last time, just cause I'm really not ashamed of saying it anymore. I love Reva. I mean, at least I'm not ashamed about saying that to myself, or some of my friends, but I am just a little nervous to tell her how I feel. I just don't want her to be weirded out. That would be horrible, and I would never forgive myself. I just don't wanna lose this spark I feel around her. I love it too much. I can't imagine myself without it, but that just makes me obsessive and I'm trying my hardest to not be like that. You just can't obsess about things, you just don't have yet.

I ALSO HAD MY ORCHESTRA CONCERT TODAY!! What a great time I had! I chilled with Cleo and Lauren, we sat in some hallway, talking, playing on our cellphones. We all got starbucks, it was a lot of fun. Can't wait to see them Wednesday, for our tour. 

Ah, what a magical day today was. Nothing could get me down. I feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm in love with everything. The sky, the sun, the moon, nature, people, Reva, my friends, my family....everything.... So on this note I must be on my way. I'm very tired, and must get my sleep. 

Have aGood One.

The Odd and the Hopeless

I'm an odd guy, I mean we all are, we just choose to follow fads set by people in society, its never our trueselves that are expressed anymore. No one sees the transcendental. The divinity, the love, the creativity....all of it, gone, or at least fading away. Everyone has set standards, everyones lost themselves in the material world. I haven't found anyone yet, ready to embrace life, take it on with all their might, all their force. Are we afraid? Do we think that life means, be succesful, die succesful? Whats our definition of success? I can't say. A materialistic point of view on this would be, get rich, die rich. Ok...but have we accomplished what we would die happy with? 

Get out there, do what you want to do, dont let the restrictions of society hold you back. You'll find that leading you're life, without expectations, will bring you what you really want in life. Happiness and Freedom. Be that odd, hopeless guy or girl sitting by yourself. It may seem sad, and depressing, but that is how you'll find the way in life. 

Thats how I found my way, and once you've got that down, go ahead and explore, search life for what its worth, and that is living. Live it to the best of your ability. Have fun. Go out into the world, and just go! Dont look forward dont look back! Just be on your way! And carry on, youll find that youll have a wonderious time doing so! And when you're lying on your death bed thinking what did I do all my life, you'll know that I spent my life, doing what I wanted to do the most......live.

And I'd give up forever to touch you, 
Cause I know that you feel the same somehow.
You're the closest heaven that I'll ever be, 
And I don't want to go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment, 
And all I can breathe is your life, 
And sooner or later it's over, 
I just don't want to miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me, 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken, 
I just want you to know who I am.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, 
Or the moment of the truth in your lies.
When everything feels like the movies, 
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive.

And I don't want the world to see me, 
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken, 
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me, 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken, 
I just want you to know who I am.

And I don't want the world to see me, 
Cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken, 
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.
I just want you to know who I am.

(Lyrics to Iris by Goo Goo Dolls) 

The song means a lot to me.

Have a Good One.

Forrest Gump

I'm really not sure why I named this new blog Forrest Gump, but that really is the least of my problems. Well, I am listening to music from the movie, so that would explain it, but otherwise, I had no other reason to name it that.

I was reading Alans blog, I really miss the guy, we actually get along so well, no matter where we turn in life. No matter what choices are made down the road, or where we turn, we always end up back together. We really are best buddies, forever. People always exxagerate that term, saying, "Oh, don't worry, we'll be best friends forever." But man, I hope youre reading this now, cause you and I, we share something that others don't. We have always been the greatest friends, and still different schools, even different states, nothing has changed what we are....the greatest friends ever. I will never forget you, throughout my entire life, I will die with the thought of you in my mind. You will live on forever, through my memories. I love you man, and theres no real easy way of saying that.

That felt great! I feel like a new man already! Perhaps its the music, as well as getting all that out of me, but I feel like a human setting forth onto new grounds prepared to take on life for what it is and what its worth, that neither materialism, nor people could possibly change my look or feel on life right now!

I've been talking to friends lately, about Reva. I have yet to mention Reva in here at all, but I feel as if nows a good time. If you want me to be completely honest, to cut the bullshit and the cockiness that usually ends up coming out anyway when you pour your heart out onto the keyboard, then I'll just be straight up and honest. Cause thats what I am, a straight up, honest and simple man. I love Reva...how else am I supposed to say this? Perhaps people thing I'm too young to feel it, personally, I dont think that at all. Thats the thought that held me back from actually feeling what it really was and is to feel the love for someone else. But I know I love her, cause I care. I care about her, her feelings, her emotions, her pain. All of it. I think about it, I just want her to feel comfortable. If shes not happy, I'm not happy, if shes happy, then I'm happy. I can't explain it very well...cause its just so indescribable. I wish I could just implant my feelings within her, show her how I really feel, but obviously I can't. And saying it doesn't help, cause all it sounds like to others is bullshit, and just an excuse to get into someones pants. When will anyone ever understand that I don't care about getting into her pants, I dont care if I never kiss her, I just want to be with her, I want her by my side, I want to live the bad times, the good times with her. I want her to know that I'm here for her, always and forever, even if she doesnt feel the same way back. Fuckles. That took a lot of energy. So, ya nothing really else I can say. So, I'm just gonna stop here, stop my expectations, feel my feelings, and live on.

As I usually do in life now, just live on and live forth. Life can throw at you whatever it wishes, I read the book The Stranger by Albert Camus, I recommend it to EVERYONE! Its fantastic, I'll never look at life the same way again. From now on, I never expect anything, from life. I go with it, as if I were life itself. Which I am. My best example is, your a car, moving at your own pace, through a foggy road, and the only thing you can see is whats behind you, and whats to your sides, never whats in front of you. You can't anticipate the streetlight ahead. For all you know it could be a red light, and your life ends right there, as you get into one of the most horrific accidents ever, or perhaps, its a green light, and you move past the obstacle as if it were nothing, or maybe you had to make a turn at the light, and you missed it. Making wrong turns in life happens all the time because you can't expect whats set before you. Sometimes youll come upon some debris set before you in the middle of the road, and its either you abruptly move out of the way taking a risk in life, or you run it over, and see what happens. The risks and the consequences, all unknown, all unforgiving. Just as life is supposed to be.

Ok, I've gotta put my parrots to bed. I'll write again sometime in the future.

Have a Good One.