All I Could Ever Want

All I could ever want right now is you, she sits there across the room, opening her new phone, enjoying a life I'm not a part of. I don't know why I feel so lonely, I know I'm on top of my shit and in my prime by being alone, but I cant handle it. I was just playing music and totally into this blog, but someone else decided to play music atop mine. I hate that. Anyways, I dont even remember what I was thinking, I go off on these thoughts of this girl. I just can't help myself. She's beautiful in her special way of being who she is and understanding others.. Its kinda scary, she opened me up like a book and shes reading my pages over and over again. The whole story of Phil isn't very complicated, I try to keep life as simple as possible, as truthful as I can. I don't know anymore, I shouldn't be in this room. She's tearing me a part on the inside, I want to be around her, but here I am, across the room, across the universe, and she'll never understand what I'm feeling right now..

Louis sent me a message over facebook talking to me about how I am just never around anymore. I mean, thats what I picked up from it. I felt terrible, I wasn't focusing on what was most important to me, my friends, my family, myself. I've just been lost in this world of cruelty and life that I haven't been able to let go of any strife. I hang on to it and let it shape me, when really, I shouldn't focus on that, or even this.. I should just focus on who I am as a person and what I want to be. Man.. There went my chance to play music again..

They all laugh, making jokes, coloring, listening to soft piano with a gentle voice to accompany. I ran into Aggie today, we talked a bit, and I didn't know what to think or feel. I guess I'd be down with that again, but, I'm not sure.. I feel like that was only supposed to happen once, cause it definitely didn't happen twice, and I think that if it did, it would only fuck me up more than I am right now. I don't need anymore emotional distress..

I should probably go, they're making fun of me now. I hate this place sometimes. I need to leave and go hang out with some people who really appreciate my company and don't just have fun with me all the time.

Have a Good One