Contingency

Oh Contingency, Oh So Unique

Oh Contingency

Can you sense me

With all your potency

Or wait, lets see

Must I pay a fee?

At the cost of my soul

Give into your goal

Inspiring till Im full

Listening to your breath

That sweet lull

I lay next to thee

As I gently pull

The beauty that lies sleepily

Beneath the sheets so sheepishly

I wonder what you mean to me

And how this all could be

But never shall, and never will

So here we lie still

After a night of some pills and some thrills

This poem is meant to show how I felt that night

How I felt no fright, and felt all this might

How I could let go of the world

And just for a moment let love be unfurled

Now I sit outside

Waiting for you to some sit by my side

Jump in life's waters, hold my hand, and drift with the tide

Let go of strife's falters, walk with me through the sand, and come for a ride

But you wont come out

And no matter how much I sit and pout

I will not doubt

I know this will never change what is to come about

But please sit with me

Take my hand and watch my face light with glee

As I kiss you gently

And caress you soundly

I'll let this poem end here

I believe I've made myself quite clear

That its not you I fear

Or love I seek

Just for you to appear

And give me one night of beauty

Oh so unique


And so here I am once again, sitting by myself outside listening to music (Andy Mckee) and waiting for Aggie. I doubt shes gonna come out tonight, in fact I doubt that so much Im writing poems about it. I wish she would, but no matter how much I wish for it I know its not gonna happen and the one thing I hate giving myself is false hope.

Also Ive been hyping her up so much in my head for the past couple of days since she hasnt hit me up and or let me relieve everything that has been building up inside for her. I need to express it all and let it loose, I want her for one more night, but I wont... Because she cant hold true to her word... I mean maybe I really am taking this too far... Overthinking... My one and only flaw and yet my gift...

I keep looking up at her window, I just looked, shes not in the window. Once again, I wish she was. No ones around, and this would be the perfect time to really get some good alone time with her, especially in my room where I could play some music for us.

Well anyways, writing all this stuff in you probably isnt helping my problem overall... Not thinking about her...

Have a Good One

A Crochet

A Crochet

A Crochet that starts the day

Reading, "You will die today."

But it will say

"Change your heart today."

And you will accept

That concept

About how love makes this world

And how when ones stomach has curled

To the thought of love being twirled

Remembering dancing in the moonlight

Living to give flight of a new shade of white

And even despite, all the strife, and the price

That comes with playing life as if with dice

Love can be the parasite of life as if like lice

But we only shave what is left our past

Finding ourselves attempting to cast

Saving our love in order to last

To keep our sanity

Even in the smallest of shanty

So take this as your last day

Give yourself to me and let us leave the dismay

Take flight with me and leave the night

Its not quite what you think I ask

Its not as complicated as a task

All I want is for you to love me so

To a point where I can bestow

All that I want to give

And so live this day as your last

Live it slow, not fast

And enjoy the cay that is life's paradise of experience

I actually wrote this poem two nights ago while I was waiting for Aggie, or Agatha as she is formally known. She and I made love, and it was wonderful. I experienced sensuality to a new level. I could smell her, I could taste her, I could feel her, and there was no holding any physical interaction back. We had that one night together and now I am still waiting for another night to unfold itself. I almost cant keep my anxiety at bay, I want her so badly now, and the weird thing is is that she asked me when we were in the middle of the deed, "How badly do you want me?" At that moment, I couldnt say that I wanted her as badly as I do now, but I wish I could back and show her how much i want her now and how much I want to make her happy.

Kinda sucks though because I know when I do it again with her I will want her more than how much I want her now, and so I question even going back. But I will, because I want to enjoy the moments for what theyre worth and not think about the future. Those future moments will in turn be better because I'll be able to express feelings that have been building up for the past couple of days.

God damn, well besides that shit, schools almost over and Im not sure how much Im looking forward to this summer. Seeing my friends is going to be awesome, but so many of them have changed, nothing is the same, and Im still in the realization of times effect on things. I guess my theory of times in-existence is but a criticism of its integration into society, and now Im realizing times relation to every moment and how these moments in life only contribute to the concept of time and the change that follows.

I cant even begin to elaborate on the change of perspective Ive obtained after attending my first year in college. I've realized self-control, self-discipline, personal hygiene, and my identity and how that identity of me is changing ever so rapidly with every semester. College really does help organize an identity for oneself. I did shrooms, I had sex, I tried new daily routines, but most importantly all this stuff really helped me grab that understanding of myself.

And so I have come to the conclusions, that I am no intellectual, that perhaps my main trait is loving. I am a lover, Im good at loving others, and I understand that inner love within every human. I understand that everyone is looking for compassion even if its not from me. I dont know one person that wants to be lonely on this earth, even it means being with yourself, you are not lonely. I want to be in everyones life, and not because of popularity, but rather I want to experience everyone, I want to love everyone unconditionally and know everyones story so that I can be apart of them just as much as they are a part of me when I see them passing.

Anyways, I think thats about it, Im gonna call my mom here in a few to wish her a Happy Mothers Day and hopefully get some money so Im not poor for these last couple of days I have here... Alrighty...

Have a Good One