The Rough Terrain

Its about 1:36 AM, and I'm writing in my blog. I guess I'm just that kinda guy who just says whats on his mind, even when theres no one there to listen to him, but anyways, I saw Eagle Eye, and it was pretty good. Shai definitly turned on his "Transfomers" acting, and did a pretty darn good job. Caught my attention at times, but this was not the crux of the night. Tonight, was a night of just good times with old friends. I met up with Daniel and Andrew. It was Daniels birthday, he turned 17 today, and we all went out to see Eagle Eye, and just hang out.

We arrived at the theatres at about 8:15 PM, where I got out of the car, cigarette in hand, and just as I was lighting it up, something struck me. Something thats never really struck me before, especially at such an odd time like that. I felt alone. I felt that nothingness inside you, when youre that lonely guy smoking the cigarette, thinking wheres my date, wheres my happiness? I shoved that thought to the side, as I put my arm around my friends shoulder and wished him a happy birthday.

And now, all night, I've just been sitting in my chair. Thinking, about girls nonetheless, and just how I've let some great ones just slip by me. They have to be the greatest mystery in the world. They always ask for the nice guy, and yet it just never works out for us. I guess its the truth when people say "nice guys finish last." But am I ok with finishing last? Do I really need to finish first? And it kinda just dawned on me just at this moment, that everythings alright, even if I do come in last place....at least I past the finish line...at least I made it somewhere. 

But on a lighter note, I finally get to see my ol' buddy Alan tomorrow. I believe we're going to Mels Diner, which is like the local place for all the "Sherman Oakians/Van Nuysians."As you can probably already tell I made up both of those words on the spot. I can't wait to get reacquianted with him. It's really been awhile, and we both kinda moved our seperate ways. Hanging out less and less, but I'm really lookin forward to bringing back the good ol' days, where we just hung out and were friends. Those were nice. 

I guess life isn't all its cracked up to be. As we grasp the rope with no up or down. We just climb to our own freedom and enlightenment, afraid to look down, only looking up and exerting all kinds of force to reach the top, which is completely enshrouded in mist of our own egos. But life, is good, life is what keeps us living, me living. Its what gets me up every morning, fills me with that bravery and confidence to take challenges head on, and to experience a life unrestricted and yet fullfilled with every aspect I've always aspired too. So on these few writings I leave you all, to say good night, and sweet dreams to ya'll. Have A Good One.

Doin' It Online for the First Time

Sad to say that I completed my journal, which I had named Sherbert, last night. I sure miss staying up the extra 15 minutes on some nights just to write an entry. I especially miss writing the dates in the top right hand corner, that was always my favourite part. It always reminded me that "each day is its own day." I believe the journal is about 140 pages long, but thats nothing compared to how much goes on in ones life, because I can tell you this now, that my life definitly does not consist of about 140 pages. Plus, what I had written in the journal is only somewhat amusing, it gets boring at times, as I become repetitive, about how girls never like me, or how my teacher was a complete dick to me. But, on occasion the stories can be quite intriguing as I explore deeper understandings to the meaning of life, and approach questions that we as human beings find troubling to coexist with. 

But on a seperate topic now, I definitly won't take all the credit for this ingenious idea of journaling my thoughts on this webpage. Alan gets most of the credit, if it weren't for his inspiring four stories that he had posted on his blog page, I probably wouldn't have even known about this site or its power to get the best out of you. 

Last night had a good balance to it, although it always seems as if the bad outweighs the good in most situations, seeing as how I can mostly concentrate on the bad at times. So, Louis, Aiden, and myself, went out "spot" searching, and after about an hour of driving, and my ass falling asleep on me. We found a wonderous spot that wasn't at all bad. We set up a blanket, and we star gazed and looked out onto the ocean, as we expanded our concious minds. Its funny how, sometimes we never realize how small we are. That we live our lives, as if that was all there was to live, but I believe that theres something greater. Some greater sense of being, just the being part. We are human "beings" because we are the ones have been, are going to be, and are being. And yet, we can't take one moment out of our "civilized" lives, to look up at the stars and wonder, about how we as the beings, are here, and not out there. Is it because we can't "be" in space? Because theres no such thing as an outter being? I find it troubling to accept that theory, of there not being an outter being. Seeing as how I study Shambhala, and that includes accepting the inner drala of yourself and the external drala of the universe. Combining these two things, creates that sense of meagic within yourself, as space, time, and matter, soon mean nothing to you. Its a very interesting religion, and I suggest that anyone who is interested in the topic of the universe, pick up a book about Shambhala and read it. But anyways, we soon left the spot, after we waited another 15 minutes for me, to gather myself and my things, and drove to In-N-Out. Where we only encountered an arguement between a woman and these two black guys who seemed to be the secruity for In-N-Out. We ate, had a small conversation with one of the guys, and left. I got home at about 11:44. I was tired, and out of it. I watched some television for about 20 minutes and crashed.

I have to say that apart from the excessive driving, it was a nice night. Definitly an experience I will remember, until the day that I die. So, on this note I must leave you all. I have yet to shower, and I have a college counseling meeting in about an hour. I'll definitly write here later, seeing as how its definitly becoming something I'm enjoying. Have Good One.