Dreaming

Have you ever woken up shivering from drenched sheets of sweat wondering what just happened? Like your dreams have molested your reality fucking up your day. It's a terrible feeling. Then you try to figure out what the dream meant, why it came about in the way that it did. The only thing on your mind is why, but you just cant answer it. This has happened to me too many times. Vivid intensified dreams have really been a burden on me. I sleep, but I don't get any rest. I live my dreams as I live my day. Both are intermeshed into one reality of what I have experienced. The question becomes what is true experience? Can I experience a dream in the same way that I experience reality? I feel like when I dream I have no control over anything except for how I react. Things happen and I just have to adapt to what is happening. I try to make the dream as happy as I can make it. Most of the time I enter a dream and the first thing that hits me is survival. It's such a weird concept, trying to survive a dream. I try to survive day by day, but dream by dream? That just doesn't seem right. I am trying to overcome insanity in my dream, trying to keep myself from going crazy. I am trying to keep myself from losing what is most important for my daily mentality, which of course is my happiness. It concerns me when I wake up happy, but feel the sadness from my dreams. When I awake I have to eat, take a shower, go to work, eat more, and sleep. Physical necessities enter the survival of my sanity. Waking up with sadness and being forced into mundane activities doesn't help my sanity. It is up to me to hold onto happiness. I need to do what makes me happy, I need to conquer insecurities on a daily basis, but it is impossible when waking and not knowing where you are and how you feel. Hopefully someday soon I will outgrow the dreams. Hopefully I can grab hold of my sanity and be happy, but as for now I will live in my dreams, and dream when I live. I am a dreamer.